Austin Powers 4: A Child is Too Much
by Consumer Product
Summary: Austin Powers is back in the seventees, the only era that seems to be fun nowadays. But what happens when he stumbles upon a new discovery of family, and Scott, his nephew, attempts world domination? Will he pull it together this final time?
1. The International Man of Mystery

So, in all truthfulness, I do _not_ own AP or his pals.

But, this is kind of a more G rated take on a story I would write. It's not G by far. I'd say, PG-13. But, I'm getting out of the M crap.

But the writing is still good, it's an interesting story, the PG-13 still holds up its part! Enjoy! R&R

* * *

As the night turned to black, Austin Powers ran from the doors of his Downtown London pad to the sight of his bright red 1973 Porsche 911 Carrera in order to make it to the club on time. With his hair done just right, letting his golden blonde waves flow in the right areas, he slammed the door and started the car.

As he started pulling to the street, the phone screen inside Austin's car rang, leaving Austin the task of pushing the small button that showed a picture of Dougie, Austin's long-lost brother, who had formerly been his arch enemy.

"Don't be out too late!" Came the pitchy voice.

"I'll be back before you know it, baby, yeah!!" He yelled back as he disappeared into the night.

The Electric Pussycat Swingers Club was beaming from five miles away. Austin pulled in front of the doors, throwing his keys to the valet parker, only to be ambushed by several adoring women and men. Austin Powers had long been the talk of the town. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. Everyone was an adoring fan of the international man of mystery.

Making his way through the doors, Austin was welcomed by loud music and the sight of dancers in cages and up above on ledges. He made his way to thecenter of the room, letting his arms glide around at his side and his feet carry the hippest new steps.

Throughout the night, many women had approached Austin, wanting one legendary dance to make their dreams come true.

"He danced with _me_! He actually danced with _me_!" One girl cried out as Austin moved on.

As he turned to find his next victim, Austin was face to face with a young girl dressed strictly in black leather and pink frills. With a coy grin, he picked up the pace, keeping time with her pure liquid moves.

"You're a smashing dancer, baby." Austin called to her, over the loud roar of the groovy music.

Expecting an answer, but receiving no reply, Austin just kept dancing with the girl, strangely feeling drawn to her moves and her gorgeous face. She was nearly his height, and had long, light-brown hair that reached the middle of her back. Of course, being back in the seventies, her clothes fit the era. She had skin-tight leather pants on, covered halfway on the bottom by knee-high boots that were a slightly different shade of black leather. Her top barely covered her midriff. It was leather, with a neck-line that was covered in pink ruffles.

She couldn't have been older than twenty, but that hardly made Austin think twice.

As the night grew shorter, and the next day appeared to approaching, Austin had decided he better get home. He had been dancing with the girl for most of the night, and realized it when a beam of light from the roof hit his cheek.

"Look at the time, baby! We've been swingin' all night, and I don't even know your name." he said as he grabbed her hand and led her towards the exit, passing the few people who had still been at the club this late-or rather early.

As the two stood outside, and Austin waited for his car, he looked at the girl as she still kept silent. "I've got to know your name, baby." He said as he saw the car approaching. She was still silent, but her face said it all. Austin didn't expect she would say anything. But as he was handed his keys, he was about to turn with the girl grabbed his coat collars with both hands, pulled him close, and whispered in his ear: "Until next time, Austin Powers" She said finally, leaving Austin with a little hope and a lot of grogginess.

- - - - - - - - - -

When arrived back to his pad, Austin opened the door only to be greeted by a very tired-looking Dougie. "No call. No little signal of how late you would be. And here it is. Morning."

"What can I say, man, I had the most wonderful night. With the grooviest chick." Austin said as he plopped onto the long lime green sofa in the middle of the living room, in which over looked the city of London.

"A girl." Dougie said with interest, sitting next to him. "Did you shag her?" He asked innocently. Austin turned in slight disgust, as if it seemed wrong.

"Well, no. Actually I didn't." He said, curious at himself.

"Odd."

"I know. Well, I hope to see her again. She was just…the grooviest." And with that, Austin made his way to his room. Not more than twelve hours later, around six in the evening, Austin rose from the room, to see Dougie had left. A note sat on the kitchen counter. It read:

Out with Mini-me and Dad. Be back by 7

Noticing the time, Austin rushed to his room to get ready. He didn't want to miss his mystery girl at the club, even if it did open at 6:00. He would sit outside and wait, as to be sure he didn't miss her.

- - - - - - - - - -

By 5:30, Austin had already parked his car and was standing near the entrance to the club, waiting for the bouncer to open the door.

At six on the dot, the doors were unlocked and Austin rushed in. He figured he would be the first there, and he was. It took a while for people to start showing, but Austin knew his odds were better for seeing the girl this way. 8 o'clock had come and gone, 9 o'clock brought in more than forty dancers, and by ten, the party had seemed to start. Austin found himself ambushed by other girls, taking the time to dance with them, all the while keeping his eyes on the door.

Not much past ten-thirty, as Austin danced with one of the Go-go's, at the corner of his eye he saw the door open. Turning to see who it was, there she stood. His mystery girl from the night before. He contemplated rushing over to her but felt he would seem too desperate. He slowly backed from the girl he was dancing with before, and dancing with himself in the center of the room. Causing a large scene for everyone, Austin danced to the beat of the music that played as the girl made her way to the front of the crowd. She looked especially great tonight, Austin thought. Her long hair was pulled to the top of her head, and her leather pants were, tonight, exchanged with an orange velvet body suit with a white belt and boots.

"Hello again, Mr. Powers." She said as she approached him, sending her moves his way. Austin turned to her and danced right back, more than thrilled to see her again. More overwhelmed than he could help, Austin just let loose and danced the night away once more.

"Groovy baby, yeah!" he shouted as the music engulfed him once again.


	2. Mystery Solved

I'm thinking this will be a drawn out, long thingy. But maybe just around 10 chapters. So, here's part 2. R&R!!! It will please me beyond all pleasing right now! Also, if you have little ideas, lemme know! Peas

* * *

Austin and his new friend had been dancing all night, once more. He just couldn't help but be around her. She was a wonder to watch, seeming to make all the guys around stop and marvel at her hips swaying to and fro, keeping time with the tunes.

The night had soon turned to the next day and Austin convinced the girl to go and grab a bit to eat.

As the two hopped into Austin's car, they drove to the closest café that was still open. They ate silently and afterwards, Austin decided to take her to his favorite look-out point, Thames Lookout.

Once they arrived, Austin hopped out of the car. Running for the opposite side, he opened the passenger door and let her out. "The view is better from here." He said as he led her to the front of the car, picking her up and setting her on the top, then sitting next to her.

Austin watched her as she turned to look at the view. "Oh, wow. It's beautiful." She said as she overlooked city lights for miles.

"I'm glad you like it." Austin replied as he turned to see it for himself.

A short amount of time had passed, and the two had snuggled together, just watching the city. This girl was the ultimate distraction from life, Austin thought. So, without hesitation, he turned to her and kissed her lightly on the lips, being sure to not go much farther than that. She gave the kiss back and they returned their heads forward, holding each other and staring into the distance.

Austin soon pulled away, slightly, looking at the girl in wonder. "I just realized something, baby." He said, lifting a hand to shift his glasses.

"What is it, Austin?" She asked a little surprised.

"I don't even know your name!"

"I guess I should have told you by now?" She said with a little chuckle. "It's Leah. Leah Shagwell." She replied.

Seeming satisfied with the answer, Austin nestled back in with Leah before he suddenly jumped up and off the car. "Shagwell?!" He screamed as she jumped in her seat.

"Yes." She mustered another chuckle, amongst the moment, "As my mother used to say: 'Shagwell by name, Shag _very_ well by reputation.'" She said with a coy smile, approaching Austin.

Jumping back from the girl, Austin held his hands out so as she couldn't get any closer.

"Austin, what's gotten into you?" She asked disgusted.

Austin remained speechless for a few seconds before blurting some sort of gibberish that the girl couldn't understand.

"Felicity?" He finally blurted out, in which Leah fully understood.

"My mother, yes." A little slow to understand, herself, Leah finally came to the conclusion. "You knew my mother?!" She screamed as she backed up herself. "You shagged her didn't you?!" She screamed, letting the city of London hear also.

"Alright, baby, alright." Austin started, recouping and straightening out his jacket, smiling broadly. "As long as you tell me you know your father, It's easy peasy."

Leah fell silent, and then covered her mouth in disgust, finally lifting it off to speak. "I never knew my father. But…he _was_ a _swinger_!" And with a scream, Leah witness Austin run to the bushes and let out his early morning breakfast.

Austin made his way to the driver's side of the car when he was finished. There, Leah sat in the passenger's seat, horrified, facing forward.

Austin had been putting the moves on his _daughter_. But could she really be? There was a possibility, he thought, that she could have been Fat Bastards. Or some other swingers'. He hadn't seen Felicity in about seventeen years, and that was about how old Leah looked.

As he sat, he looked straight ahead, perplexed at his own audacity. It was a good thing, though, that he hadn't gone too far with her. That was one very good thing.

"So. Austin Powers might be my father." She said, slapping her hands to her thighs.

"Don't say that!" He yelled as if he'd been accused of a crime.

"How's Felicity?" Austin asked finally, still keeping his head facing forward.

"Mum died a year ago." Leah said quietly, letting her childish manor show. Austin then turned to look at the girl, distraught in the face.

"Well, where can I take you?" He asked as he started the car and pulled from his lookout spot. He figured he would never go back there again.

"My step-fathers, I suppose."

And at that, Austin was heartbroken, and it showed on his face. Felicity had married again. Of course, he didn't think about it much. He had been with many women after sending Felicity back to the 60's.

Austin soon arrived at the home where Leah had directed him too.

"It's been…_fun_, Austin." Leah said, squinting in slight disgust at her previous thoughts about him.

Soon Austin was back at his Apartment that overlooked the London city. Closing the blinds, shutting off the view of the world, he headed to bed and planned to not wake up for as long as possible.

- - - - - - - - - -

That evening, Austin awoke and walked from the room, where he saw Dougie at the stove and Mini-me sitting on the counter next to him.

"Good Morning." He said quieter than he ever said anything, normally. Dougie turned to see a groggy-looking Austin, naked and holding his robe.

"I think…you've forgotten something." Dougie said slowly, pointing to the robe, as Mini-me averted his eyes.

"Oh. Sorry." Austin said sluggishly, throwing the robe on, and sitting at the bar across from the two in the kitchen.

"Bad night?" Dougie asked as placed a plate of food in front of Austin.

"The worst."

"What happened, that girl wouldn't shag you?"

"Disgusting!" Austin replied as he walked from the bar to the sofa.

He later filled Dougie and Mini-Me in on how Felicity had bore him a daughter, and it had been the groovy chick from the night before. He spent the next few days in a rut. Getting in contact with the girl would be a must, but for now, he needed to clear his mind of how close he came to going too far with his own daughter.


	3. An Evil Plot

This is where it turns to two perspectives. Work with me, here.

R&R!!! I need ideas!

* * *

Meanwhile, not far from where turmoil was hitting two people, a dungeon that had been built especially for Dr. Evil, the man who averted his ways in order to keep the peace, was being used by another man. There, in the dungeon, that was located five miles under the Atlantic, a hoard of workers scrambled around in order to keep up the pace. Their boss was soon to be the most powerful world leader, and they were serving in every way they could to make it possible.

There, in the center of the dungeon, sat a large throne-like chair. In it, sat Scott Evil, the heir of Dr. Evil's domination who had just taken over. He wore a light grey suit that seemed more futuristic than the era he was in, the nineties. His hair had fallen out for the most part, not entirely as evil as he was ready for, but he was evil none-the-less.

Before him, sat a large table where two men and two women sat, ready for instruction by their new leader.

"Good evening, everybody." He started as he looked around the table. "I'd like to welcome all of you to the new Layer. It will be the perfect hide-out for our new, up and coming project, entitled, Project Up and Coming. So, let's get right down to the business of introducing everyone, shall we?" Scott turned to his right where a youthful woman sat. She had black hair that reached her bottom, and her eye make-up looked as if it belonged in the seventies. She wore a black leather body suit and her hair was pulled to the top of her head.

"To my right," Scott gestured to the woman, "Sits young Miss Shaina Pearls. Her mastery lies within the fields of the rifle, and she has been known to kill more powerful subjects than the government itself." Turning to his left, Scott introduced the men there as an Italian Bulldog named Mickey Perdente who mastered in ripping limbs off, and Roger Dodge, an American man who Scott made his right hand man after finding out how hard he worked to get to the position.

"The last member of the Project, in which you're probably all familiar with," Scott started as he turned to the right once more. "Is my dear mother, Frau Farbissina." And with a slight nod, Frau made herself known to the men and woman.

"Now that that's out of the way, we shall discuss the plan. And it's a brilliant one, if I do say so myself." Scott said to the side, where a very unenthusiastic Shaina sat staring with wide eyes, not cracking a single smile, her appearance half scaring the man.

"Very well then. Let's get right to it. As you know, Project Up and Coming is full under way. Within this project I plan to destroy one of the major pipes that lay beneath London. This, in turn, will create havoc around the city, causing plumbing to back-up for days. This, in turn of the previous this in turn, will cause a diversion of attention on the government's part, leaving us time to get a pack full of men towards Austin Powers, and there…Austin Powers shall meet his doom."

The others gaped at the man who seemed to have his plan all set out. Everything seemed to be perfect, but the four others in the room had the same idea, and Shaina finally spoke up.

"What about the world domination?!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Scott jumped and stared at her forebodingly, as she returned the same glance.

"Well," Scott started, acting as if her question was idiotic. "We can't take over any worlds unless Powers is out of the way, now can we, Miss Pearls?"

She quickly shook her head and returned her glance forward.

"By this time tomorrow, the pipe will be hit. So, I would hope to gather as many men as possible before the government starts realizing the problem they have." Scott stood from his chair and overlooked all of his henchmen with a demure grin. "And soon after, we will rule the world, ladies and gentleman."

The five shared a wicked chortle and the henchmen were soon sent out to find more men to complete the dirty task of taking out Austin Powers.


End file.
